Between the Lines: Crabby-Style

So I'm kind of crabby with this blogging business. Here's why: I started this blog because I was losing my vow of keeping a 5-year diary in honor of my sweet Mama Potts with the whole "you have to write every single day" deal. I decided that online blogging is so 2009 and 5 year diaries are simply a thing of the past. Keep the dream alive, modern-style I thought.

The problem with online blogging is that although I suppose the very nature of an online blog is to post your thoughts in a public forum to be read by other people, I don't really know if I embrace the idea of that whole heartedly. I'm really hung up on this and can't seem to shake it. I have all of these crazy fears associated with blogging. For instance: The fear of people reading something and being offended. The fear of mis-typing something. The fear of being too open and honest. The fear of coming across as shallow...on and on it goes...

Regardless, I began my blogging days with a disclaimer. I thought that would clear the air, but no matter what, I write every post thinking "what if someone reads this and thinks I am silly?" or "what if someone reads this and gets upset?" or "what if someone reads this and thinks I am a horrible person?" or "what if someone reads this and finds out that I frequently end sentences in prepositions?". Horror of horrors.

Like tonight, for instance, I learned that in my "All in a Name" baby post, I totally blogged about my sweet, sweet friend's choice of baby names for her 2nd son. SO EMBARRASSED. SOOO sorry Gidge. Not having this conversation in some time and being overcome by the SSA's list of adorable 2008 baby names, I just threw "Parker" on the list. At the time of making my silly list, I was doing just that; making a silly list. I was not thinking and inevitably stepped on a stick of dynamite. What's worse is that I didn't even catch myself. So in my fear of offending someone, I did just that. Sadness.

Anyway, I enjoy blogging, I really do. I am absolutely addicted to reading other people's blogs. I love learning about what people are up to; the latest and greatest. I love how easy it is to document all beautiful, yet simple (and sometimes forgettable) happenings of life. I love that you can upload pictures within seconds and look back on precious memories with the click of a button. I love how you can keep in touch with the people you love by simply hitting "publish post". I love including the nitty gritty details that are waaay too much for the measly 4 lines dictated by the 5 year diary.

What I don't like is how I feel when I call an old friend and realize that we know everything that happened to each other during the week without getting to talk face to face, or how I feel like I have to sensor things so that I don't offend people, or how I feel like I have to write about something "read-worthy" even when I'm just in the mood to ramble about my favorite trashy TV show.

I do love you Mr. Blog, but do your pros outweigh your cons?

Do you see the dilemma I'm in here? Do any of you struggle with these same thoughts or am I out in left field with the whole worrying-about-what-everyone-thinks while blogging complex?

I picked back up my 5 year diary tonight and counted the number of days I have missed since starting this blog. 85. It's almost been a year since Mama Potts passed away and I took on the challenge of carrying on her legacy of journaling. I am at a cross roads. I will either a) get over it and stop being so blogodramatic, b) take this blog offline and keep on keepin' on without the silly pressure I am putting on myself, or c) pick back up the 5 year pen and paper challenge.

I'll keep you posted. (Ha. "Posted" No pun intended).

In other news, Baby D and I have had quite the week. We landed ourselves in the hospital with Virus of Doom 2009. Dreadful. It struck Monday night and got the best of us by Tuesday morning. Thank heavens for IV drugs and fluids. Thank heavens for Zofran. Thank heavens for husbands who take the very best care of you despite your matted down hair, sweat covered pjs, and un-brushed teeth (see there, too much detail for the blogosphere or do I go ahead with it??)

Regardless, we're officially 15 weeks now--yayayaya! No picture this week (didn't I paint a lovely picture with the whole matted hair, fuzzy sweater teeth comment above!?) Settling into the 2nd trimester and LOVING it (minus the whole spontaneous hospital trip ordeal). We are counting down the days until we discover if we are having a Nolan/Cooper/Tyler/Jackson/Carter/Mason or Harper/Kennedy/Riley/Madison...and we couldn't be more excited!

Now, please excuse my crabby bloggy self.