Tough as Nails

I ran into a pole last week. With the car. Not sure if that makes it better or worse but it reminded me of how stinkin’ hard I can be on myself. It didn’t damage the car *much* and was totally no big deal at all but I was ill as a hornet with myself. First thing I did was run in the restaurant and ask the hostess to please tell me how many other people had done the same.

None? Stellar. Moving on.

Took me right back to when I was 9 years old and spilled milk at the table and ran off to my room to punish myself. My parents couldn’t stop laughing long enough to clean it up or to come get me out of my self-imposed time out.

As a teenager I had ONE super rotten moment where I got brave enough to sneak out of the house. With Chuckie Zoom Zoom and the Get-Along Gang. Brilliant. Went egging and toilet papering WITH OUR YOUTH GROUP (that’s a blog post for another day!). Totally got away with it. 100%. Woke up the next morning and ratted myself out. Went to every single house and cleaned trees and driveways and front porches for hours while I cursed myself.

I’m cracking up now just thinking about it but the reality is, 9 or 17 or 31 years old, I have this tendency to be hard on myself.

Same thing with Sugar Britches. I am having a complete BALL! Absolutely so much fun and so much grace being poured out through the business.

At the same time, I will hem and haw and sweat and pace over making sure I get every single stitch just right. I am a people pleaser (irritating flaw at times) and a perfectionist (ridiculousness) and it makes for an interesting combo some days.

See Coop's shirt? Because his middle initial "W" is super duper wide and "C' and "D" are tall and skinny, the monogram comes out looking off centered. It's not though. It's just because of his initials. Will our next child be named according to symmetrical monogram letters? Possibly. Kidding. I'm not that crazy. Ok, so I've tested a few 3 letter combos just to see. I digress.

Same thing with my work at CHOA. I lose sleep over making sure families are happy and that my babies are making progress. Some days I just can’t let it go. It comes from my heart—it truly matters to me that people are happy.

I pray over Coop that he would somehow miss out on this silly trait and know that all that he does is just plum pleasing in his Father’s eyes. And in mine and Chris’. Except for that time he tee-teed on his curtains. And the floor. Not pleasing. In any way. 

To find the balance between striving for good (not perfection) and bringing joy to others (not getting in a tizzy over pleasing people until I can’t see straight) is something I need to work on. As a wife, as a mom, as a friend, as an SLP, as a Sugar Britches.
How ‘bout y’all? How do you find balance and keep yourself in check?