Cheeseball

I said I wasn't going to do any cheeseball pictures this go round. Uh uh. Nope. Sitting on the sidelines of this pregnancy rocking my sea bands and Zofran praising a God who has given us a second chance.

Then I realized that I look like a busted can of biscuits (howcanthisbewheni'velost7pounds?) and thought what the heck.

Barefoot and pregnant.

This pregnancy has been different. Way. 

I was paralyzed by fear for the first 4-5 weeks. Had to shake my sillies out and remember that I am not in control and therefore being a fraidy cat is just about as useless as trying to order meatless sushi. *I might have done that a few weeks ago.*

Once I got out of the fetal position from being paralyzed by fear, I faceplanted myself (purposefully) on the bathroom floor so I could feel the cold tiles on my cheeks. I think God has given me the gift of all-day-sickness as a blessing of reassurance. As long as I am heaving and sweating, I am reminded that I am still pregnant. It's a beautiful mess.

I feel like we are walking on Holy Ground. Borrowed Ground. God-Given Ground. That alone has made it so very different. Not that I took our previous pregnancies for granted at all, it's just I realize that this go round is an absolute gift.

My human self wants to say that we are holding our breaths and hoping for the best, but I know that's not true. God has called us to more than that. We are praising Him, trusting Him, and leaning on Him.

We've had a lot of ultrasounds this go round. 7 already. I guess that's one perk of being a fruitcake high risk gal I won't argue with one bit. Each time I stare motionless at the little black and white screen and almost can't believe it's OUR baby. Each time I flail and ask if everything is ok. Each time it absolutely has been.

We have always been given the choice of having the extra genetic screening tests and we have always declined. This go round it isn't an option. The second the fear of having lost a baby to a genetic syndrome rises up in me, I have to squash it. Squish squash. So we will take that extra visit with the perinatologist. It'll just be one more opportunity for us to praise Him.

My visit to Big Al this week is the visit that we found out we lost Ella Grace last year. I realize that normal people don't think in crazy terms like that, but for us, it will be a huge milestone and hurdle.

Praying, praying, praying for one more week of staring at that screen in awe of the great things He has done! 

We cannot thank y'all enough for your precious words of encouragement and for covering us in so many prayers. Truly, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts!